


A Modest Proposal

by KealynLynnette



Category: A Modest Proposal - Jonathan Swift
Genre: Feminist Themes, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2017-12-10 14:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KealynLynnette/pseuds/KealynLynnette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>FOR THE PROTECTION, EDUCATION AND THE BETTERMENT OF THE WOMEN-FOLK FROM THEIR OWN MINDS AND PHYSICAL IN-CAPABILITIES, FOR WHICH THEY ARE NOT TO BLAME BUT MUST BE DELIVERED FROM.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Modest Proposal

Upon reaching an age of self-awareness, the average male is exposed to the fallibility and helplessness of their female counterparts. Women appear to be continuously trying to hard to break out of their perfect mold and into gray or incompatible areas of life, stuck in their rebellious teen stage well into their adulthood. We see them go into difficult professions, wear inappropriate clothing, abandon good husbands, go into sports or politics, each and every day battling to prove that they belong in the little niche that they try to create for themselves. It is obvious that they fail, and each day it becomes harder and harder to ignore their plight. They have forgotten their true nature; a woman is to be soft, kind and sure only in her husband, while maintaining a good home and raising as many kids as their husband desires. Yet the vocal minority of these women, those who deny their heritage and attempt to take on the roles of men, grows rapidly larger, and makes it difficult for the men in the world to help their chosen females.

I think it is agreed by all of us that this growing dissent must be stopped, and that the old ways must be remembered if we are to return to a safe and orderly world. It is imperative that someone – anyone – should come up with a simple, effective and immediate plan to help the females of our great and just nation become exactly who they ought to be. Those that come up with such a plan should be honored and respected for generations hence, as the Savior of Order, or some other equally important title.

But, my intention is not to reform and punish every woman, for not all of them are yet tainted by lies and slander; it is our job as men to put our full force of knowledge and power into helping the innocent Lambs and protecting them from the group of False Shepherds who seek to lead them into personal destruction. The False Shepherds will be caught and punished for their misdeeds, reformed to see their errors of their ways, while the Lambs are safely ensconced in their pens.

There is another advantage to my scheme: the whole population will return to the peace and prosperity they enjoyed ages ago, with the females enjoying their own proper home life while the men continue happily with their jobs and duties with less day-to-day struggles. Everyone will be happy in their respective, exclusive little box of life.

My proposal, then, is this: to start out, we must eliminate three specific sources of unnecessary stress or unhappiness from a female's mind and life. First we must liberate the females from the 'rights' that the minority has forced among their kind. There is no need for 'free speech', as their husband will be in charge of keeping her happy healthy, and the 'right to a trial' is preposterous for the same reason. Politics, such as running for office and electoral voting, has no need to intrude upon the simple minds of the females. Second, acquiring a universal dress code is non-negotiable. Females spend nearly three years of their lives choosing what to wear each day, trying to 'look their best' or 'be comfortable'. And yet, at least four times a week, they are dissatisfied with their choice and go about their day in a foul, unproductive mood (worse yet during those four days a month). They also spend 57% of their total income on clothes, shoes and accessories that they will never wear. A specially formulated dress code will ensure their lives run smoother, their husband's wallet is fuller, and that they feel comfortable and happy every day. Third on the list is the withdrawal of formal education. Life is harsh, unyielding and cruel, no place for a finely raised female. Education spoils them, gives them ideas (where do you think the minority started from?) and cultivates seeds of doubt and greed in their mind. Since education is geared towards men, it poisons the females into believing that they are men, and as such need to take on the responsibilities and hardships of one. That is largely untrue, and those thoughts can be nipped at the bud through this reform.

The second part of my proposal is focused on punishing and fixing the previously established “False Shepherds” and the Lambs that they have gotten their claws into. So that we have a base point to start with, all females must receive an education that is geared towards becoming a real woman. Instead of learning things such as accounting or physics, females would learn the required necessities of child care, husband care, and wifelyhood. Understanding the fact that a happy husband (or for the youngsters, a happy father) is key to having a happy self, will kickstart the self-help advocacy that is really needed to get this crisis under control. Then there's the real source of the problem, the False Shepherds (also known as Feminists). To start with, Feminism would obviously be illegal under any circumstances. Anyone found to be Feminist, or those with Feminist in their immediate genealogy, would be given a purple Venus sign to wear on the outside of their clothing at all times. This, of course, would only last until the camps can be built (locations of which can be discussed elsewhere). At that time, all Feminist would escorted from their homes and into the camps. This holds two purposes, one is to keep them from continuing their spread of chaos among the masses, and two is to reform them into civilized, functioning members of society.

How anyone could reject this proposal is beyond me; it is laughable to think that giving women absolute equal rights to men would fix the problem; it is laughable to think that allowing equal number of women into positions of power would better the world; it is laughable to think that teaching every soul that women are real people is the best way to teach respect; it is laughable to think that treating women as actual human beings is the end-all for their rage; it is laughable to think that the cessation of men mandating every section of a woman's life would lead to a better community. These are only female's for Pete’s sake! They don't really care what you do, as long as you're trying to help them.


End file.
